We all know we give off "vibes" from the way we walk and talk, but are you aware of what you do around other people on a daily basis? Personally I can easily recall the things that I do; I am most definitely not the most normal person in the world it's just the way we are.
The first thing that I can think of about myself, is the fact that I tend to wear a baseball cap most days. I am incredibly self conscience about one thing and that is my hair; I don't know why, I just am, and it annoys the heck out of me. So most days I usually say to myself "Screw it," and put on the hat to cover up the hair. Sure a hat's a hat, but I think that on a sub-conscience level, or whatever, the hat is an early sign that someone may not be sociable or isn't in the mood. I think it's due to the fact that it's covering something on the most obvious part on our bodies, the head. Even though I know my hat could be a factor into why some people would not want to be sociable around me, I'm far too lazy to get my hair "perfect" everyday.
Another problem I have a terrible time dealing with is eye contact. I cannot keep eye contact with anyone, it doesn't matter who you are I am incapable of keeping contact for the life of me. The better I know a person the longer I can keep it up, but at some point in the conversation I just need to look away, it's horrible. I know darn well that this just ticks people off, I can only imagine how put off that someone might feel who has a conversation with me. It's always like I am never interested in what anyone says, when it's the opposite that usually true. And again, this happens all the time, when I'm meeting someone new or just talking to a friend. So anyone meeting me for the first time, sorry, I'm not not interested I'm just messed up in the head.
Being socially awkward it's not hard for me to come up with these nonverbal cues that I do all the time. To keep this relatively short though, so I'll stick to one more and save you the suffering of it all. I guess the next biggest thing that puts people off of me would be my posture most likely. I am a sloucher, half the time I tend to slump as far down as I can in chairs and the other half I am usually humped over. It's just another one of the things that I feel make people think that I don't want to be sociable.
I give myself an "okay" grade in terms of sociability, because if you and I can get passed all the awkwardness that makes up me, I'm actually pretty nice and quite talkative. I guess I just need to work on the ungraceful social exterior , I'm in for some work aren't I?
Hey there Austin.
ReplyDeleteI'm a fellow hat wearer. I don't think it is very odd to be concerned with your hair; your hair, face, and clothes are some of the very first things people notice when they see you, and I know that they judge you according to the appearance of these things, and strangers do this more so than the people you are familiar with. So, definitely, on a day when I feel like my hair looks less than perfect, I'll swoosh it up into my beanie. It's what makes me me more comfortable about my interactions with people during the day.
The eye contact thing really depends on who you're talking to, but there are only a few situations I can think of that absolutely necessitate deep eye contact for the duration, and that is with one's significant other or a very close friend. I feel a little disturbed by someone who tries to stare into my eyes during our entire conversation if I don't know them that well. So, really, I think your method is a bit more socially acceptable. There are extremes when it comes to eye contact. Make SOME at least; it isn't too bad to glance away every now and then, unless you're trying to establish credibility (and refrain from looking like you're lying or forgot the material in a speech or something).
And about the slouching thing, I definitely do that, too, but I feel like the practice stemmed from middle school and high school. All of the "cool" kids used to slouch in their chairs to try and look like they didn't care, to appear suave as hell. I know I would try and emulate them, and now I'm just used to it. Slouching way down in my seat or hunching over my desk isn't wholly an antisocial nonverbal cue for me. It's a comfort and concentration thing.
And no one is perfect. No need to change yourself too much in order to appear more "sociable." I think such a term is very subjective.
I think you put yourself down too much. From my experience with talking to a good sum of women they tell me that a lot of men tend to talk to them while not looking directly at them when speaking, may it be intimate or just a normal conversation. The only situation that I know of that people have got annoyed with me by not looking them in eye with talking to them were older women authorities. Most guys and older men I have talked to don’t really seem to care that much about eye contact as long as you get their message they are trying to tell you through the conversation.
ReplyDeleteYou probably already know this, but you are not the only one to really get unnerved by their hair. For me since I don’t want to be bothered with my hair I just grew it out and run a hair brush/comb through it occasionally after I get out of a shower. I just never really could find a hair style that I liked on me except for having my hair shaggy or long.
You should honestly just keep up with what makes you feel comfortable. As long as none of things are hurting you in the long run then I see no problem with not changing your habits. You should only change if you feel like you should change, not because someone told you to change.
Austin you are not socially awkward you are just yourself. Everyone does things that may give off bad vibes. If wearing a hat and slouching down in your seat is comfortable to you then do not stop a good thing. A person should not take themselves out of there comfort zone to be accepted by others. People that are worth knowing will take the time to get to know you and not judge you based on your "vibe."
ReplyDeleteWe cannot allow social norms to shape our personal preferences. If you do not like to hold eye contact with a person at length, do not do it. In other countries it is a sign of disrespect to look someone in the eye when they are talking to you. It is funny how these little insignificant actions are interpreted to mean such complex things.
We as Americans have a fear of the different. We create categories to put people in based on minute nonverbal clues. Then judge them by the cumulative characteristics of the group in that category and not individual characteristics. For instance the assumption that all people that wear glasses are intelligent. Though many smart people may wear glasses their knowledge has nothing to do with their eye wear.
I definitely know what you mean when you cannot keep eye contact with someone. I feel so awkward about keeping eye contact with people. I can maintain eye contact for awhile, but at one point or another I catch myself looking away from them because it is just too awkward to me. I hate though when I notice some one is not even trying to keep eye contact with me. Sometimes, I notice that they blatantly are just staring at my chest and it is like come on, seriously. I think it is also the distance between me and the person that can cause some of the awkwardness. Like if I am far enough away it does not bother me that much, but when I am close up to them is when I find it harder to maintain eye contact.
ReplyDeleteI do not think wearing hats makes you anti-social. If I had it my way I would wear my beanies all the time. Sometimes, I feel stupid when I wear some hats because I do not think I look good in them, but the hat is just so cute. Haha.
I really do not think in our society that these things make you socially awkward at all. Today, everyone wears hats and it is just the norm for us. I know a lot of people have a hard time maintaining eye contact. I do not think it means we are not interested or bored, but just trying to make a situation less awkward for ourselves.
Hey Austin! Yeah I know what you mean with the slouching and eye contact. I am the same but, I am girl that is a little worse since we girls are supposed to be graceful and have perfect posture. HA! I don’t know who came up with that, but let me tell you we are in the same boat. You shouldn’t put yourself down either.
ReplyDeleteJust because you wear a hat doesn’t mean you are not socially inviting, and as for your hair, so many people don’t like their hair either. Don’t let others make you feel inferior, and don’t let yourself get you down either. Eye contact is one of the hardest things to do, and the fact that you still look at someone when you talk, even for a while shows that you are at least making an attempt. We all have our quirks and some are more noticeable than others.
If I only began to tell you what I do, you’d probably never even speak to me if you were to see my “social ungraces.” I am sure you are more interesting that you put yourself out there to be. Everyone is, even if they have some uncanny trait. Trust. ;)